you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
