He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
