dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I need to align my fucking chakras
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
