Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
