No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
