Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
God I need to hump something, right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
