you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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