if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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