just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
