the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
