What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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