the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
