I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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