His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
