i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
