My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
