He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
