it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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