I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
