My first STD was from a foam party
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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