Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
