Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
