you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Let's get the cat blown out
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
