apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
