yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
