Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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