You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
