my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
