u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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