Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
