i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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