Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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