I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
