I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
