I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
