Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
