so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
