you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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