Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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