people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
