White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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