I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You pole danced in your parka.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
