Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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