I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
