i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
