I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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