I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
