Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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