you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
