Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
and she was petting her beer can
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
