My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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