Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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